


Strength in Vulnerability

by Rei382



Series: Drarropoly 2020 [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas Eve, Emotional, Established Relationship, M/M, Mild Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28648971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rei382/pseuds/Rei382
Summary: Even though they've been dating for almost a year, Draco never really felt like he belonged in Harry's squad. A Christmas Eve party in their presence might be just a little bit too much for him.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Series: Drarropoly 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025436
Comments: 16
Kudos: 127
Collections: Drarropoly '20: Founders Edition





	Strength in Vulnerability

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thanks to [curlyy_hair_dont_care](https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlyy_hair_dont_care/pseuds/curlyy_hair_dont_care) for the amazing beta work and for helping me with the title <3 This fic would've been much less readable if it wasn't for you <3

It was a nice Christmas dinner. Everyone contributed: Ron and Hermione brought a Yorkshire Pudding and cranberry sauce, George brought gravy, Bill and Charlie brought drinks, and Molly and Arthur brought a turkey. Harry and Draco were the hosts, and as such, were excused from cooking – but Draco insisted on making mince pies, which were the only thing remaining on the table now that the meal was over; though they too were disappearing rapidly when every few minutes someone decided they wanted something sweet and grabbed one.

“Uncle Harry! Look!” the high-pitched voice made Harry turn away from Draco and look down at Teddy who appeared next to him with what looked like a self-assembled kiddy broomstick.

He smiled broadly at him. “Oh! Very nice!” he called. “Is this a present from your grandma?”

Teddy shook his head, looking pleased that Harry did not guess correctly. “Nuh-uh! Uncle Ron did!”

“That’s a great present. I hope you made sure to say thank you to Ron.”

Next to him, Draco snorted. “Trust Weasley to give a gift the kid has to work for…”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Stop it, you don’t have to criticize everything Ron does,” he muttered at Draco’s remark, but then turned his attention back to the child. “And did you put it together all by yourself?”

Harry fought not to let his smile broaden when Teddy suddenly seemed a bit shy. “Ah… no, Aunt Hermione helped me…”

“That sounds like a really fun thing to do! Can you ride it?”

Teddy frowned as if offended by the mere suggestion that he couldn’t. “Of course I can! Watch!” he said as he mounted the broom and kicked himself off the ground. The toy broom only lifted a few inches off the ground; just enough to feel like flying, but Teddy seemed to be satisfied by it. He started flying about, calling cheerfully.

Harry watched him until he felt a hand being placed on his thigh, drawing his attention. He turned away from Teddy and looked at his boyfriend instead. “Yes, love?”

“Want to pay some attention to me, too?”

Harry blinked in confusion. “What do you mean? I’m right here with you.” He leaned in to place a quick kiss on Draco’s lips.

“Yeah, alright,” Draco said. 

Harry had a feeling this issue wasn’t over yet, but he didn’t want to start what might turn into a private argument at the dinner table. So instead he placed his hand on Draco’s, and turned his attention back to the kid flying about, gaining _‘ooh!’_ s _and ‘woah!’_ s from the adults in the room.

*

It was rather late when everyone had gone. Only Ron and Hermione stayed a bit longer than the rest, to have some drinks and help cleaning up – but eventually they left, too, carrying a sleeping Teddy with them with a promise to drop him at his grandmother’s, leaving Harry and Draco finally alone together. 

Draco dreaded that moment and looked forward to it all at the same time. He felt bad for demanding Harry's attention and felt worse for feeling that he needed even more than what he let on. He knew it was unfair of him. But the alienation he felt, the loneliness despite being surrounded by people got to him and was just too much to handle. He knew he’d have to answer for his behavior eventually, and the longer their guests stayed, the farther it got.

But there was no more delaying it when Ron and Hermione left with their kids.

“Care to tell me what that was all about?” Harry asked him, just as Draco was waving his wand to get the now clean plates back in the cupboard. 

Draco finished the movement and made sure the plates were safe on their shelf. "Can you blame me?" he shot back and turned to look at his boyfriend. Knowing very well this was not going to be a fun conversation, he turned and leaned against the counter.

Harry looked confused at his question. "Blame you? What would I blame you for?" he asked him in response. "I just don't understand where that behavior of yours came from. Teddy just wanted to show me his new toy."

"I know," Draco frowned. It wasn't that he wasn't aware that he was being irrational, but it didn't change how he felt. "But that’s just it. He wanted to show it to _you_. You forget that they are all _your_ friends, not mine." 

“They’re _your_ friends too, Draco –”

“No, Harry, they’re not,” Draco replied. Even though he’d known those words were true ever since the first time Harry had introduced him as his new boyfriend, it still hurt to admit out loud. He knew it’d hurt Harry to say it, but it’d been ten months. If things hadn’t changed so far, it is more likely than not that they wouldn't change in the future, either. He sighed, shaking his head lightly. 

“Other than loving you, we have absolutely nothing in common. We come from different worlds. While you were running around Hogwarts saving the world, I was busy ruining it, and maybe you forgave me, and I got acquitted, but they and most of the wizarding world haven’t forgotten what I did. And neither have I.” He looked down, eyes drifting automatically to his arm, where He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’s mark was still tattooed on his skin. Faded, dull, but there as a constant reminder. “I don’t have the same experiences as you had growing up. I don’t mean your shitty childhood, but in school. I don’t even like the same Quidditch team , for fuck’s sake.” He realized he was clenching the counter so hard his fingers started to hurt. He let go and moved away from it, pacing about the kitchen instead. “They tolerate me and I tolerate them, but it’s not like days like today are fun for me.”

He felt Harry’s gaze following him. “What do you mean?” Harry replied. He could tell from his voice that he still didn’t _understand_. “I do everything I can to – “

_For Merlin’s sake._ “I know! But think about it – you’re all sitting here, talking about the past, talking about your families and what not, laughing at your inside jokes that I was never a part of. And I just sit there,” Draco gestured at the dining area, “and other than you mentioning me or asking me for my opinion every now and then, I have nothing to add. No one would want to hear about Christmas meals at the Malfoy Manor, wouldn’t they?” The words came out dripping poison. “They wouldn’t want to hear my stories. So I just sit quietly and I have to just wait until it’s all over and I finally have you back for myself.”

He watched Harry as the realization dawned on him. The silence between them was heavy, loaded. "I… had no idea you’ve felt that way,” Harry said quietly. Draco heard the pain in his voice and knew he’d caused it. It was all feelings he fought to keep inside, fought to hide from Harry because he knew how much he was trying to help Draco feel like he did belong there, with him. It wasn’t his fault his friends weren’t as forgiving. “I mean, I know they don’t exactly love you, but I thought that at least –” 

"You think I give a fuck about whether the Weasleys like me or not?" Draco snapped at him. He knew it wasn't fair, and he did his very best not to refer to Harry's friends with the disrespect he did when they were in school; but it was much more difficult when he was angry and hurt. He knew he'd hurt Harry by speaking like that but he couldn't stop himself. "You think I give a rat’s arse if they still think of me as a filthy Slytherin Death Eater? I'm here because of you, not them. They can hate me all they want -"

"No one thinks that! Hogwarts was ages ago, nobody cares –”

“Of course they do! I see it in their eyes, you think I don’t notice that they still flinch away from me? They hate me.”

“They don't hate you, Draco -"

" _Please_ ," Draco scoffed. "They do their best to hide it, but yes they do. And I don't care about it. But that doesn’t change how bloody _alone_ I felt tonight.”

“So that’s why you were like that when Teddy asked me to watch him?”

Draco stopped his pacing and turned to look at Harry. It pained him to see the hurt on his face, and even more so, the pity in his eyes. Fuck. He should have kept his mouth shut. 

It was too late for that, though. 

“He’s the only one there who could be a part of my family, too. But he doesn’t care for me,” he replied. “He wanted to show _you_. I just… with everything else, I snapped.”

There was another moment of silence between them. Draco heard his own breathing, shallow and hard. He hated that he felt the way he did, and truth was, he really had no right to complain about it. He didn’t even try to be a part of Teddy’s life, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to, either. It wasn’t like he was a kids person.

“Maybe I just had too much wine,” he said eventually. 

He knew he hadn’t; he’d barely touched it. But it was a good excuse.

“No, don’t blame yourself for this,” Harry said. He crossed the distance between them and reached out to hold on to Draco’s arm. His touch was warm, grounding. “I’m sorry. I should’ve realized that you didn’t feel like you belonged there and should’ve been more with you. I’ll be there more, next time. And we’re going to celebrate New Year’s just us, alright?”

Draco felt Harry’s thumb moving back and forth through his sweater. This wasn’t fair. Harry shouldn’t be forced to choose between him and his friends. “If you want to invite Ron and Hermione you can.”

A pull and Draco felt himself pressed against Harry’s form. “I know. But I want to spend it with you,” Harry kissed his ear. “I have plenty of other opportunities to meet with them. And, maybe,” Harry pulled away from him just enough for them to be able to look at each other. “We can do next Christmas with your mother. Would you like that?”

“Next Christmas? That’s a whole year away.” Draco frowned. He loved Harry; he really did – but that was planning ahead for a longer time than they’d been dating. “Are you sure you’d still want me a year from now?”

“No,” Harry replied.

The simple word made Draco’s frown turn into a wide-eyed alarm. Had he made Harry change his mind so quickly? Was this the end? His brain was racing frantically, going through everything he said today that could lead Harry to break up with him, all through the few seconds break in Harry’s speech.

“But I’d like to believe I will. I love you, and I think ten months are long enough to know that I’d want to spend twelve more with you.” Harry smiled softly and melted Draco’s irrational fear away. “If you’d still tolerate me, of course,” he placed a short and tender kiss on Draco’s lips. “So what do you say? Next Christmas we invite your mom?”

“You’re delusional if you think Mother would agree to come here,” Draco couldn’t help but mirror Harry’s smile. “I hope you’ll still stand behind your words when we go to the Malfoy retreat in France.”

“France, huh?” Harry said with a smirk. “That doesn’t sound too bad.”


End file.
